THOMAS And that was the third time we saw the Loch Ness monster. Then one time, I believe it was July-

NELLIE August.

THOMAS -August. There's a knock on the door. I open it, and there's this cute little girl scout-

NELLIE And she was so adorable, with the little pig tails and all.

THOMAS -And she says to me, "How would you like to buy some cookies?" And I said "Well, what kind do you have?" She had thin mints, graham crunchy things-

NELLIE Raisin oatmeal.

THOMAS -Raisin oatmeal, and I said "We'll take a graham crunch. How much will that be?" And she looks at me and she says, "...Uh I need about tree-fitty."

NELLIE ...Tree-fitty.

THOMAS Well, it was about that time that I notice that girl scout was about eight stories tall and was a crustacean from the protozoic era.

NELLIE The Loch Ness monster.

THOMAS I said, "Dammit monster! Get off my lawn! I ain't giving you no tree-fitty!" It said, "how about just two-fitty?" I said, "Oh, now it's only two-fitty!! What?! Is there a sale on Loch Ness munchies or something?!"

NELLIE Lord, he was angry.

THOMAS Damn right, I was angry!

NELLIE Not you, the monster. He was about to kick your ass.

THOMAS Aah, shut your mouth, woman!

STAN Uh, could you just tell Chef we were here?

THOMAS Sure. That crazy old monster Now, then the fourth time I saw the...